Unlike David ... this evening I'm not frustrated with God, I am, however, just frustrated. There is so much that I need to know about Greek and simply don't have it as solid in my brain as I would like. About the time I start working through the exercises, I forget the simplest words. I'm spending a lot of time this week working through the exercises over and over so that I can somehow plant this language deep in my mind. One of these days ... one of these days.
The most wondrous thing occurs to me, though. Even in my frustration, when my mind shuts down and quits processing correctly, God still remains with me! I'm not generally quiet when I'm frustrated. It's not necessarily a bad thing for me to hide at the cabin where no one can hear me when I'm spewing fury at my lack of knowledge regarding Greek. But, God hears me ... no matter what. He might not respond to my crazy talk or my fury, but He does still hear me.
October 14, 2009 - Psalm 39:1-13
When I read the first verses of this Psalm (Psalm 39:1-2), it seemed as if David was concerned with many of the same things that James preaches against - gossip, slander, etc. But, as I continued reading, I realized that David had something completely different in mind.
He's furious with God and he knows that if he were to speak his fury out loud while the wicked are present, they wouldn't understand that he has a relationship with God that allows him to love and honor the Lord, while being frustrated and angry at the same time.
Do I know when to keep my mouth shut at my fury towards the injustices that I perceive to be coming from God?
In Psalm 39:3, we see that David is spending time with God and he can no longer hold back, "My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue." He has something to say, we'll just hope that no one but God is around to hear it.
Look at Psalm 39:9-10, "I was silent; I would not open my mouth, for you are the one who has done this. Remove your scourge from me; I am overcome by the blow of your hand."
The rest of this Psalm expresses David's acknowledgment that his life is short. He'd like to know just how long God will allow him to live on this earth, because he wants to know how long the pain is going to last!
We all feel that way sometimes. If life's struggles go on much longer than 24 hours, we begin to believe that they will be there forever. "Look away from me, that I may rejoice again before I depart and am no more." (Psalm 39:13) I just want one more day of happiness before I die, Lord!
I love David. He expresses things that I feel - even when we can look in from the outside and see that his life wasn't as awful as he believed it to be. The thing is - neither is ours. But, there are always moments when we feel as if we have been abandoned to a world that will destroy us, with no hope of rescue or salvation. Our spirits sink to the depths and we have no idea how to bring ourselves up out of the pits.
David knew though that there was a way. "But now, what do I look for? My hope is in you." (Psalm 13:7)
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